I must have a sick sense of humor. Or maybe I subconsciously love torturing myself. It wasn’t until a couple of weeks after I graduated college that I truly realized I had set myself up for a lot of rejection.
During my sophomore year of college, I told myself I was going to do theatre professionally no matter what it took. No matter where I had to go. No matter how hard it was. I was told like many others do, that I was going to get the answer ‘no’ more than I got the answer ‘yes.’ And I naively believed that would only happen for a short while.
I had proudly told myself that this was God’s calling on my life so He would absolutely make a way swiftly and surely to my final destination.
I’ve gotten a couple of yes’s, many no’s. I also got a heaping pile of unanswered emails and letters.
And I’m not the only one—college students all over the country are looking for jobs, applying to one right after the other, with no answer.
Like with many jobs, there are steps to finally landing a theatre gig. After your submission of a headshot, resume, and video showcasing your talents, you may be asked to audition. Auditioning is always different based on the needs of the theatre and show.
This summer I had an audition in the state that I’m currently living in. At the registration desk, I was jittery and nervous and still a little tired from my long car ride. I had been rehearsing my monologue in my head since I woke up that morning. However, an older gentleman started a conversation with me about the power of words. What they actually mean and how our circumstances or view of the world can change the way we say or feel about them.
When someone sees the word ‘baby’, they might think of bouncing strollers and messy meals while someone else will see heartache. The word ‘love’ could mean something easy and fun while others see a synonym for ‘struggle.’
The man spoke of the Psalms. How each word was chosen so carefully by David the exact way God intended it. Not only by thought or education but by experience and heart.
We only have to think about what David had to endure before he sketched those words down, what had to happen to those words so they could inspire people lifetimes later.
Psalm 13
How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.
Take a look at Scripture to see how rejection can be used for God’s plan. Joseph was rejected by his brothers and then became one of the most powerful men in his country. Ruth and Naomi were rejected as outsiders, but soon became a part of a wealthy and high-standing family. Moses had rejected himself before God called him to finish his mission to free the Israelites.
In the 1990’s, a group of scientists tried to grow a super species of trees. Using the best parts of trees from around the world, in a safe, clean, untouched environment, they began to grow trees.
They weren’t exposed to any diseases and they would all seem healthy as can be, but as the trees would reach maturity, they would collapse.
The scientists soon figured out the reason. Wind strengthens trees, helps the roots and center grow stronger. Without exposure to wind, these trees were collapsing under their own weight.
Even nature believes in the need for trials and hardships.
I’m tired of trials. I want to shout to God that I’ve learned my lesson. I’m done! I don’t want another rejection, Lord. But I have to ask myself these questions.
How much power do I give that rejection? Do I let that word mean ‘end’ or do I let it mean ‘opportunity’? Maybe I should choose to see it as a promise, one step closer to what God has called me to. Life is what I make it and I can choose to be upset, angry, and sad at circumstances when I feel I deserve better.
Or I can keep chasing Jesus and doing what I love. I can call my rejection, ‘wind’: my personal strengthening.
I don’t always choose the right answer. Honestly, I rarely do. Sometimes I choose to stay in bed a little longer and mope. I choose to snap at family members because I claim they just don’t get it.
Sometimes—and I do this so much I’m sad to admit—I don’t pray because I have no idea what good it will do.
I tell myself that if God truly loved me, I would be happy. I would have what I want.
But something tells me if God didn’t love me, I wouldn’t have my talents in the first place. I wouldn’t have a breath in the first place.
I still get so tangled up in my own longings that I forget the blessings God gives me today.
No, I have no idea what I’m doing next year, but I know what I’m doing today.
And may I let that be enough.
May I do what I have been blessed to do.
I’ve thrown myself headlong into your arms—
I’m celebrating your rescue.
I’m singing at the top of my lungs,
I’m so full of answered prayers.
(Psalm 13: 5-6 The Message)
August 11, 2019
