God Is In Control…

A couple of months ago, I was in the midst of audition season.

Since January of this year, I had been sending in videos, traveling to casting calls all over the state I live in. In mid-March, I was waiting patiently for the contracts to start rolling in.

I had been auditioning while teaching at a local art center, working part-time, and practicing a community show.

Instead of getting emails from theatres regarding jobs, I started getting messages of summer theatres closing for the season. The dangerous outbreak of COVID-19 forced the government to shut down any event hosting 100 people or more.

Now I am ordered to stay-at-home for the safety and health of myself and others. No coffee shops, parks, libraries, stores, restaurants, or friend’s houses.

The closing weekend of my show was canceled, the art center closed its doors on in-person classes. My part-time job had to lay me off.

As of last week, every contract I had pending with any theatres is now nonexistent as most theatres can’t take the chance of reopening when the stay-at-home orders are lifted.

I am looking at a year that I didn’t have penned in my planner. I am sure many of you feel the same way. In a million years, I would have never guessed I would be living in a season like this.

A season of sickness and fog.

Weeks of uncertainty and fear.

I won’t lie – I am nervous about what the rest my year will look like.

But I choose to believe God is in control.

I know that is a token phrase that is so easy to throw out.

But when I think of the future, and start getting anxious and scared, I realize that I am picturing a future without God in it. 

And my faith tells me God is the past, present, and future. There is nothing He does not know.

Psalm 147:5 – “Great is our Lord, and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.”

Psalm 33:11 -“The plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.

When I entered 2020 and prayed for it to be the best year yet, my Lord knew the auditions I would attend. He knew the jobs I would pray over, the people I would meet, what I would lose and gain in the process.

And He knew this scary time was coming. That is thought I struggle with every day.

We can let that hinder us with anger that God had the power to stop this and didn’t.

Or we can bask in the comfort of a Father that has prepared His children for a time such as this – that His Hands are at work even when ours aren’t.

He kept His promises. Why am I letting fear tell me He won’t come through in this?

I am drawn to this verse during this time:

Hebrews 13:5 – “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have. Because God said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

I may not have a steady income right now or a job lined up in my calendar. But I do have an Everlasting Father that has promised to bring comfort and bring peace.

During this lockdown, I am still looking for possible jobs, but I am also spending time with a sister who will be getting married this year.

I am eating dinner with my parents finally after weeks of coming home too late to share the table with them.

Getting back to the root of my writing and sending short pieces off to publishers. Reading books I wanted to, but didn’t have the time, and starting (and finishing) Netflix shows.

This time of uncertainty can be seen as a burden, but I am choosing to see it as a gift.